life's mean reds.

anyone can cook (:

mood swings are really scary. they make you happy a minute and all depressed, pensive, at the other. they irritate the soul with their caprious and uncontrollable nature. they make you flare up at people you really care for, and though you bite your tongue wishing you could take back those hurtful words at the very same moment that you say them rashly, you just can't seem to control those emotions overwhelming you. they make you appear to be reluctant to help with that grumbling of yours, even though in other times, you'll be more than happy to lend a helping hand. they make you frustrated, and you feel as if you're clambering for something, anything, but it never comes to reach. it's like indiana jones hanging on for his dear life with that goblet of gold just inches from his finger, almost there...but just not close enough. and they make you really indecisive and easily restless. see. this is such an incoherent post cos my moodswings are in the way of me completing th...

the rain did nothing to dampen my mood today:) (other than getting all wet and breaking my colleague's favourite umbrealla into pieces which im still very apologetic about--gosh i think i must be the clumsiest person in the world) had two wonderful treats from my dearest friends--seeing them alone was a treat itself. so glad that i made friendships that last with people that really matter (: and i sat in kohyu's car today! it's a really wierd feeling you know, she looks dwarfed in the giant car but mainly it's just kinda wierd to realise that im actually old enough to manueover a car and put everyone on the roads in danger.haa, i just dont feel that old yet, to the extent it's a little scary cos i dont know how im actually gonna handle all that responsibilities when they come to me before i even feel ready to handle them! but i guess that's life and that's how people grow. what doesnt kill you make you stronger.haha but i digress. so back to dinner at chomp ...

i hereby declare cecelia ahern as my favourite author. ive missed my usual tv slot, chats online, much needed sleep an outing with my dearest darling puff for her, ahh, and have even been willing to carry a book with a bimbotic cover that i wouldnt otherwise be caught dead doing. but i really cant help it. it's literally telling me never to judge a book by its cover cos i have not met an author for such a loong time that could put the exact words to the feelings in me all these while. i guess it is true that you can tell when someone says things from their heart. two books so far and counting, and she has already made me laugh, cry and smile at her little stories of love. coming from someone who has been losing faith in love and romance, i count that as a feat. maybe, maybe, true love isn't impossible at all.

when you receive a gift, like say a birthday present, would you pay for it?obviously right? so isn't it kind of an idiosyncrasy for departmental stores with signs that scream "free gifts" everywhere? cos obviously a gift is free. haha, but still it's amazing how the word "free" that precedes "gift" make all that difference. for me at least --i think i've fallen for it a million times over already. there's always a catch though, queues that i have to stand in, perspiring enough to fill up pacific ocean( ok an exaggeration but not far off from the truth), certain minimum amount of cash i need to dish out for something useless( but still managing to convince myself that i will buy it anyway so might as well buy it when there's an additional free gift bonus) etc etc. then when i finally get that free gift i will feel all smug, thinking that im one of the few geniuses who managed to snap up such a bargain. but guess the world got it all wron...

for the first time ever, im starting to have doubts.perhaps i'll be better off without a scholarship, no expectations, no stress to meet them. Knowing that the scholarship was attained purely because of God's grace sometimes scares me. cos it obviously goes to show im not capable enough to deserve what i have today by my own strength and effort. i fear i cant keep up. i cant match up. i can't continue masquerading, pretending im eloquent, imaginative and just plain talented. cos im not and it's starkingly obvious. don get me wrong, i love what im doing, i think simply learning this stuff can last me a lifetime. it's what i can do with fervor till im 60.i can really feel it in my toes, the passion and love for this that is (: but i guess it's not good enough. like they say "baby, sometimes love just aint enough." silly how all these depressing thoughts come in jus after one harmless statement and a public display of my stupidity and ignorance. but i rea...

well, finally ive gotten past my procrasination to get started on my first blog entry (: ok i have no idea what else to write. haa, gotten down to my first sentence at least.