(from threadless.com)i was going to post pictures of my past crazy week's work and (my very unruly room) but then again, did it really matter what that nightmare was all about? perhaps i had been focusing too much on how i could overcome each nightmare, when in actual fact, each of this was but a self imposed dream that i kept replaying in my head simply because i let myself be me,telling the story the way i want it; though not necessarily the way i could achieve it by my own efforts. the past week, i strove to meet expectations others had of me, and expectations i had for myself. it was as if i were standing on a balancing rope, struggling to stay on that thin line of approval from two opposing camps; any step sideways and someone would get hurt and annoyed when i fall.
perhaps ive only come to realise what prideful thinking it had all been.pushing myself to an extent where i dont even know what it feels like to be tired in that state of being near delirious, it only seems like foolishness in hindsight. right from the start, i aspired to have my drawings end up on that one person's refrigerator, but in the end, i ended up filling my own reject drawer because it's simply never good enough for the people ive subconsciously ended up working for; the one i truly seek approval from, however, i neglect.
what is it to love God and give my all to him?
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