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burnout!

(from threadless.com)

i was going to post pictures of my past crazy week's work and (my very unruly room) but then again, did it really matter what that nightmare was all about? perhaps i had been focusing too much on how i could overcome each nightmare, when in actual fact, each of this was but a self imposed dream that i kept replaying in my head simply because i let myself be me,telling the story the way i want it; though not necessarily the way i could achieve it by my own efforts. the past week, i strove to meet expectations others had of me, and expectations i had for myself. it was as if i were standing on a balancing rope, struggling to stay on that thin line of approval from two opposing camps; any step sideways and someone would get hurt and annoyed when i fall.

perhaps ive only come to realise what prideful thinking it had all been.pushing myself to an extent where i dont even know what it feels like to be tired in that state of being near delirious, it only seems like foolishness in hindsight. right from the start, i aspired to have my drawings end up on that one person's refrigerator, but in the end, i ended up filling my own reject drawer because it's simply never good enough for the people ive subconsciously ended up working for; the one i truly seek approval from, however, i neglect.

what is it to love God and give my all to him?

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