life's mean reds.

check this out! i think i just found the most awesome website ever (: it exhilerates me just thinking about the projects. im so going to get started on one of these (:(: http://www.instructables.com/

i wished i had the words to cheer you up. i wish there was something, anything that i could do to make that resigned, disappointed tone of yours go away. i hate feeling so helpless when listening to you. those moments of silence when i could feel that you wanted to draw some sort of comfort from me that i simply cannot give makes my heart wince.it's not the first time, and perhaps that's what's making it hurt even more--two parties knowing the futility of it all but still carrying on with an act for reasons that elude me. i wish i could say that it hurts and upsets me because you mean the world to me, but i would be lying. for i know what a selfish person i am inside. i am just afraid to lose my heart again. i am afraid to get myself too involved again. i am too lousy a conversationalist to keep your spirits up and talking to you just makes me feel lousier about myself. or maybe, i am just too lazy to care less. and it's with this same selfishness that i unintentionally...

i never enjoyed taking photographs for the simple reason that i am vain.so you can guess what a terribly tiring process it is for me to pose for a picture after having to making sure that im on the right side(ie the more photogentic side of my face), my fat thighs are nicely hidden by a cushion of some sort, i mustnt just have had my hair cut(cos for some reason it is ALWAYS screwed up after i return from the hairdresser) and the list goes on. and when i finally get down to take the picture, it's down to another long process. (no thanks to technology) ha, yes cos with the digital camera (see im not prehistoric k!), i can go on forever like this. take a picture, run to the cameraman, look at the picture just taken, scruntinised every part of my body, then go something like this "ahh! my hair is so messy!" or "ahh, can see my double chin!" or "cannot cannot, this one can see my pimple and my eyes are closed!" haha yes, you get the idea. then, yes, no pr...

reading this in the papers today amused me. Fearing Crime, Japanese Wear the Hiding Place Though street crime is relatively low in Japan, quirky camouflage designs like this vending-machine dress are being offered to an increasingly anxious public to hide from would-be assailants. an extract from the new york times, "Ms. Aya Tsukioka, a 29-year-old experimental fashion designer, lifted a flap on her skirt to reveal a large sheet of cloth printed in bright red with a soft drink logo partly visible. By holding the sheet open and stepping to the side of the road, she showed how a woman walking alone could elude pursuers — by disguising herself as a vending machine." can u tell which is a fake vending machine? pretty obvious to me(see the feet jutting out)hmm.would be quite scary to see that at night wont it? haa. okay i have no idea why i find this so terribly amusing but everytime i read about it, my mind conjures up an image of streets filled with these psuedo vending machines...

突然间有种莫名的伤感涌进了我的心头里。

ahh help me it's harder to get over sammi than i thought it would be:/

this is dedicated to my dearest sammi, the last diva they call her. thank you for not disappointing me tonight. thank you for putting your heart and soul into this performance. i might not understand cantonese, i might not have a clue to half the words you uttered throughout the concert, but i could feel your passion for music, for dancing, i could feel the love you have for the people around you, i could feel your joy, having had been able to do what you love, after a 2 year absence. it's like the whole stage was yours, doing what you do as usual--being yourself. you weren't afraid to laugh at yourself, to dare to be different, to share your struggles and your faith. you were a great singer tonight, sammi. and a great singer isnt just one who has a voice that can melt the hardest hearts, not just one who has all the smooth moves and gets the center of all attention, but rather, the one who inspires. thank you for all that tonight. it would take alot from me to forget such a be...

i cant wait for tomorrow! finally i'll get to see the one whose voice i have admired for the longest time, whose charisma and presence is unparalleled by any other singers i'd known, one who is never afraid to flaunt her style.. ha i think i can go on forever on this one too.haa. but yes, it's such an exciting thing to look forward to tomorrow! (:

someone asked me at work today,"why do people want to get attached?" i was actually stumped for a moment.can you believe it, after all that fuss i make about not being able to find the special someone to share my life with, that im actually lost for words? ha, i would have thought that i would be bursting with answers for her--cos it's always such a joy to have someone to share very special moments in life with you, cos you know that there's someone there who loves you during the terribly unbearable times, cos you will get to experience the sweet moments when someone does romantic gestures for you, the secure and safe feelings at the other person's touch..oh no i think i can go on forever. but why, at that moment was my mind a blank?why did i have to think so long for the answers to her question?maybe the desire to get attached wasnt such an important thing to me after all, as much as i think it is. i really surprise myself sometimes.

something my friend said today that struck me. "well, it's good for us as christians, cos at least we know that God has already prepared that special someone for us." such faith that sometimes i simply dont have the courage to have. maybe if i knew for sure that say at 21 im going to get a guy that loves me for who i am and with whom im hopelessly in love with, maybe i would have been more confident of what to expect, of who i am, and of my faith. but thinking again, then that probably isnt faith anymore. surprisingly i came across this statement today. "faith is one that hands everything to God, confident in his character and purposes rather than our answers." how apt. faith is more than believing that every story will have a fairy tale ending, rather it's believing in the writer of the story that he will give each story a well ended conclusion.

the binge blogger is back.well, can't blame me, it's just how my mind works.sometimes i just have all these ideas and little things in life coming at me but somehow, i cant put the exact words to my feelings. either that or the lazy bug in me just prefers staring at the computer screen watching jdramas than moving my brain or fingers to blog.ha.it's really just inertia.(as i already mentioned before.) but recently i realised that sometimes it's more than just that. sometimes, i forget what's on my mind. many times actually. there are times when many thoughts overwhelm me and when i try to figure one out by putting it down in words in my mind, the other thought just happily flits by. no matter how hard i try to grasp onto it before it flies away(while figuring out the other), i just dont have enough to hold onto it without forgetting a little of what ive been figuring out for the past while.then eventually my mind becomes a jumbled mess of thoughts, so tangled that i...

i find it quite amusing when i catch myself saying, "i'm not myself when i'm with him", im not myself when it's raining", or "im not myself when im stressed", well, you get the point. the thing is, to respond in a certain manner--that in itself is already me. to think especially hard to find the words to say when im with a particular person, to feel the need to be liked and needed only when im with a particular someone, to eat especially more than usual when it's raining, to get irritated more easily on days i oversleep--all that and more is a unique response of mine.but yet it amazes me how many times i choose to ignore my idiosyncrasies with a sweeping statement like that, just because it's so hard to accept the real me. in fact if i were to take away all these actions that i claim is not me, perhaps, nothing will be left behind. and if anything at all was left behind,this time,it is really not me or who im supposed to be. even though i kn...

Love is like a taxi. If you wait for it, it won't come. It's not that the taxi won't come, there just aren't any empty cars. That is the worst thing. Maybe i may find one on another street. If i glance back, I just missed another. but it won't come if i just wait. If you look for it, it won't come either. It just won't come, It won't just come to any one person. but when you give up and started walking, they suddenly come all at once. Love is like a taxi, You'll never know when it'll come. Till that time comes, you're just a figure, lost in the darkness. But when the headlights of the taxi finally shine on you, That's the first time that you'll be able to affirm your existence. Your heart beats quickly from seeing your lover's smile. But at the same time, From your lover's words, from the painful memories that scar your heart, you too, realise that you're present and alive. We start to see the person that we really are -- ...

"For us this (death) is the end of all stories.. but for them (those believers who died), it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life on Earth had only been the cover and the title page. Now at last they were beginning Chapter 1 of the Great Story, which no one on Earth has read, which goes on forever and in which every chapter is better than the one before." --The Chronicles of Narnia