i reckon that God really does have a sense of humour.
For a pretty extended period last year, i went through several struggles, wanting many things but not being able to get them for some reason or another. Tears, bouts of angst, impatience, all sorts of anger-filled reactions--ive probably went through a good half of them. unfortunately for me, they never really got about gathering much sympathy votes for me so at the end of the day, i was back at square one.
i thought then, that perhaps by surrendering my desires to God, to pray for help, perhaps He will give me what i cant achieve by my own efforts thus far.
Yet, instead of making things any better, He happily decided to make my wishes even harder to attain.
so it was bugging me for quite a while, how failures seem to overcome me more than ever when i turn to God for help.
but suddenly it's all clear.
perhaps having had so much more time at hand now, i have become more involved in the world that im slowly becoming of the world; many things that i desire and long for probably arent really the best for me, probably arent what God wants for me.
Sure, i definitely went through ALOT of disappointing moments because of this. ALOT of brokenness and despair, that at times i had no idea how i was ever going to get over it.
but, at least it works.
at least im out of that navel-gazing, self-pitying attitude for now. it's painful at first, but i know that time can heal all wounds and that God will always be there looking out for me.
and for now, at least i can accept these unfufilled wishes of mine whilst entering the new year with a peace,knowing that God never wastes a hurt.
this year, i need to learn to be less me and more for God and the people around me that i care for and love.
For a pretty extended period last year, i went through several struggles, wanting many things but not being able to get them for some reason or another. Tears, bouts of angst, impatience, all sorts of anger-filled reactions--ive probably went through a good half of them. unfortunately for me, they never really got about gathering much sympathy votes for me so at the end of the day, i was back at square one.
i thought then, that perhaps by surrendering my desires to God, to pray for help, perhaps He will give me what i cant achieve by my own efforts thus far.
Yet, instead of making things any better, He happily decided to make my wishes even harder to attain.
so it was bugging me for quite a while, how failures seem to overcome me more than ever when i turn to God for help.
but suddenly it's all clear.
perhaps having had so much more time at hand now, i have become more involved in the world that im slowly becoming of the world; many things that i desire and long for probably arent really the best for me, probably arent what God wants for me.
Sure, i definitely went through ALOT of disappointing moments because of this. ALOT of brokenness and despair, that at times i had no idea how i was ever going to get over it.
but, at least it works.
at least im out of that navel-gazing, self-pitying attitude for now. it's painful at first, but i know that time can heal all wounds and that God will always be there looking out for me.
and for now, at least i can accept these unfufilled wishes of mine whilst entering the new year with a peace,knowing that God never wastes a hurt.
this year, i need to learn to be less me and more for God and the people around me that i care for and love.
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