life's mean reds.

i think i am what you call a binge blogger.youknow, like a binge drinker. it's all inertia's fault (but that's about all the physics i will ever talk about). but back to the point. i just found this really cool website: http://www.moo.com/category/blog/ it has such pretty cards and designs, just looking at them make me feel happy (: so just a few to share my joy first (: im so going to eat my eyes out later when i get home.

If I were a month I would be: september If I were a day of the week I would be: friday If I were a time of day I would be: dinnertime If I were a planet I would be: pluto (the non-existent one) If I were a sea animal I would be: dory(as in dory in finding nemo:) ) If I were a direction I would be: north-north-east If I were a piece of furniture I would be: ikea's kid plastic chair If I were a sin I would be: envy If I were a historical figure I would be: obiwan kenobi If I were a liquid I would be: milo If I were a stone, I would be: purple amethyst If I were a tree, I would be: cherry blossom If I were a bird, I would be: sunbird If I were a tool, I would be: electric beater (counts right) If I were a flower/plant, I would be: purple lily If I were a kind of weather, I would be: windy autumn If I were a mythical creature, I would be: angel If I were a musical instrument, I would be: saxaphone If I were a color, I would be: purple If I were an emotion, I would be: pensive If I were

okay my brain is honestly fried now, though i have absolutely no idea why. tell me how can anyone have inspiration just by sitting at the desk all day? i honestly think we need a change in work culture. why can't we be like countries like Germany where architects are not pressured to meet deadlines and are given the liberty to take their time?why can't we be given the same freedom to go out for a movie, a walk in the park, when we obviously know that inspiration comes from physical experiences and hence staying deskbound from 830 am to 6pm isnt going to help?--just look that the quality of work these people produce as compared to Singaporeans and you'll get my point. but aside ranting there's not much i can do now :/ maybe, except taking a walk to the toilet.again.

i wish i were a better conversationalist. i wish i were a less boring person.

since there's no one in the office now (except the cleaning aunty and another colleague of mine sitting far away), i shall blog a bit more! (: hee. (note: i have already done everything i was supposed to yah.) so, just a little song that i love . "What Am I To You?" --norah jones. What am I to you Tell me darling true To me you are the sea Vast as you can be And deep the shade of blue When you're feeling low To whom else do you go See, I cry if you hurt I'd give you my last shirt Because I love you so If my sky should fall Would you even call I've opened up my heart I never want to part I'm giving you the ball When I look in your eyes I can feel the butterflies I love you when you're blue Tell me darlin' true What am I to you Yeah, if my sky should fall Would you even call I've opened up my heart I never wanna part I'm giving you the ball When I look in your eyes I can feel the butterflies Could you find a love in me Could you carve me in a

when would i ever be good enough? on many levels i would say. work wise, i can never overcome that feeling of inadequacy.i really enjoy what im doing, dont get me wrong, but it seems to me that this field that im venturing into is one that i am not able to excel. i have always been an ardent believer of this ideal or cliche whatever you want to call it, to follow my passion and dreams as a key to achieving fulfilment in life. but now im having second thoughts. should i have choosen an area of study where i am more confident of excelling? there's this nagging feeling in me that ive been consciously and subconsciously pushing away--this feeling that maybe, excelling is more important to me. maybe my passion for something had all along came from my ability to do well in it and not, as i have hoped, something that was innately me, something that God placed in me, just waiting to be discovered. perhaps, all along i was the kind of person that i have been trying to avoid turning into. so

so they say. (it's lunchtime so im not slacking okay.) How to Stay Awake at Work 1. Coca Cola 2. Orange juice works just as well 3. Find ways to bypass company e-mail/internet security (call it Internal Security Testing) 4. Google your name 5. Have your 5'2, 95 lbs, female friend go beat up people who are "sharing" your name on google without having begged for your exhalted permission (: 6. Try eating sunflower seeds still in the husk. Put a small handful in your cheek and crack them open one at a time, using only your teeth and tongue. This will require just enough active thought and tongue movement to prevent you from dozing off, and the salt of the sunflower seeds is invigorating and stimulating. Just be careful where you spit after that. 7. Try these tricks: 7.1 The Paper Clip Chain Everyone who works in an office has made a paper clip chain. It keeps our hands busy while our minds wander. But the key here isn't the chain itself. It's what you do with it.

i shall blog another entry lest i fall asleep again.(which is worse cos at least now i look like im busy at work.) so goes my friend,"so shawna, have you been 'jio-ed' by any guys before?" and so i mumbled and stumbled something along the lines that such things werent important to me, plus i dint think i could handle relationships that were potentially tiring. oh, the lies that i could come up with to hide my hurt. i felt like such a joke. and i dint think my friend was convinced one bit by my answer. oh whatever. like that even mattered.

ever since i started working, ive been having the monday blues. i literally dragged myself out of the house door today and thank God dad sent me to work today or i probably couldnt find the heart to walk to the busstop:/ the car ride was exceptionally quiet, dad even missed a turning junction. i'm guessing he's having the blues too. i realised i forgot to bring my mouse to work and now i have to suffer the dreadful chore of using the fat,insensitive and almost obsolete mouse in the office. the usually warm and friendly colleague of mine gruntled a "morning" so soft it was almost ultrasound.(she's having the blues too.obviously.) and worse, i've been battling with my terribly heavy eyelids since i stepped into office.drank water,to wash away the sleepy-ness.ate raisins, to get a sugar rush.even listened to maroon 5's wake up call.but nothing's helping! i am still falling asleep every 10 seconds. ahh.how much worse can today get?blue isnt my favourite co

i just love this song (: not just because the lyrics are so sweet,but when a fat girl gets her day, you cant help but love it (:(: everybody needs love, cos without love... without love--hairspray LINK Once i was a selfish fool Who never understood I never looked inside myself Though on the outside, i looked good! Then we met and you made me The man i am today Tracy, i'm in love with you No matter what you weigh 'Cause... LINK (& ENSEMBLE) Without love Life is like the seasons with no summer Without love Life is rock 'n' roll without a drummer Tracy, i'll be yours forever 'Cause i never wanna be Without love Tracy, never set me free No, i ain't lyin' Never set me free, Tracy, No, no, no!! SEAWEED Living in the ghetto Black is everywhere ya go Who'd 've thought i'd love a girl With skin as white as winter's snow PENNY In my ivory tower Life was just a hostess snack But now i've tasted chocolate And i'm never going back PENNY &a

i love birthdays not just because of the presents but because they make you feel loved. to be honest, i was a little disappointed on my bday. i spent a large chunk of my bday at work--without lunch cos i was muggin for ftt, bought my own bday present with my own money(comics!) then spent the next 2hrs waiting for daddy to come home for dinner. after that, when we finally managed to leave the house we spent the next hour in the car running various errands of which included me getting my own birthday cake. ha, and when we eventually reached imm we were STARVING, so we charged to the first jap restaurant we saw (which honestly dint had very good food). after that,in bid to grab something, anything to buy as my birthday present, we went to giant cos that was the only store left open at that time(around 9 plus) and, guess what, we did grocery shopping. well i knew my parents felt bad but i still couldnt help but feel a little upset cos no one seemed to make a deal out of this day very speci

when i was a kid, the adults in church (and my parents of course) used to fill me with wonder with their stories of a place called heaven-- a place without pain or tears, a place with so much fun that the word "bored" couldnt possibly exist in my dictionary, with streets of gold, of abundance, of glorious music, the list goes on. i remembered the first time "heaven" actually meant something to me was when a friend in church passed away when she was 8(i think) and i was 7. the adults didn't tell me that she died but that she went to heaven. i vaguely remember feeling a sense of relief, anything really, but not sadness. perhaps i was young then, and incapable of handling grief, or perhaps it was because i visited her in the hospital before and i saw how badly the sickness had ravaged her. having learnt that she had left for the place our sunday school teachers promised us will be nothing but joy reassured me that she had journeyed into a better and happier place l

a convo that made my day(: there are just some people in this world you can be totally crazy with and absolutely comfortable being yourself and they still love you for that. stephanie liow-- a post dedicated all to you! do i get my free movie treat now?(: shawnaa. says: i love the song u are listening to now!!! shawnaa. says: how's sch girl? steph(: says: LOL SO steph(: says: I WONT SEND U steph(: says: hehee ok la.. steph(: says: CAN U PLEASE COME VISIT ME SINCE U ARE SO FREE steph(: says: I MISS U !! shawnaa. says: haha shawnaa. says: i knew it shawnaa. says: but ha shawnaa. says: i will when i can steph(: says: haha idiotic shawnaa. says: im so busy myself la steph(: says: i so cant stand u steph(: says: BYE! shawnaa. says: hello i go to work everyday from 830 to 6 ok shawnaa. says: why! shawnaa. says: toots steph(: says: lol! steph(: says: WHY shawnaa. says: why wat steph(: says: why u go work everyday shawnaa. says: cos im doin attachment at nparks la toots shawnaa. says: ever

it's funny how a thankful heart can sometimes make a seemingly terrible day not that bad after all. how we do distort facts so much when we choose to harp on one withered flower instead of the blooming bed of purple lilies(haa my favourite flowers!) and my day seems so much more of a blessing from God now (:

i would never be satisfied if i don't have jesus in and with me. ive been getting so carried away going the extra mile for friends, making presents to the extent that i know deep down, part of me does it for approval and praises. because that's just me; praises, the sense that im valued and special in someone's eyes are what make me feel good--and let's admit it, i do crave for it (alot). Yet, funnily, more praises and words of gratitude doesn't always translate to me being a happier person. the more i have, the more i want. but if i receive none, or criticsms for that matter, i get all depressed, making a mountain out of a mole hill over what a tragic life i have. so either way, it doesnt work out. esp true when my focus is completely off God and i navelgaze. it's like a vicious cycle-- i forget about God, work so hard to please people around me, then get so busy that i forget God again.and so on. i need to trade my list of desires and ambitions for God's

some people just have the knack of making you feel like a total loser. not just once, but every single time. it's like no amount of hard work can actually satisfy his standards. i know im just whining, and the right attitude is to spur myself on to greater improvements but gahh.it really gets on my nerves sometimes when i never get things right :(

i love shows that make you happy. i just cant get the music out of my head after watching hairspray and those dance moves, it's like grease all over again (: albeit idealistic and at times almost silly, but tell me, who doesn't secretly enjoy a cheesy movie deep down? (: and excuse me as i have a bimbotic moment--zac efron is so so so hot!and so is collins!and seaweed!(though they all have the weirdest names)haa.