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sometimes the people physically closest to you could be the very same people you miss terribly. you miss them so much especially when they are not themselves because having been so close to them, you've seen the side of theirs that you are the most in love with.

pardon my sudden urge to be emotional. perhaps it's this realisation that my departure for australia is in actual fact much nearer than it felt it was gonna be that's causing me to hurt incessantly when i know im not making the fullest of the time i have now with the people i love the most :/

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i speak before i think, but really what that reveals is the person i am inside. the thoughts and desires are all too apparent. i want recognition, i want people to look at me w envy at my skill and what I have, I want things that I know are wrong to want but i still want them. but the heart cant hide forever. it comes out at the most unopportune time and i end up hurting the ones i love the most. oh wait, maybe not, cos i really love myself the most, which.. really means i hurt those i cant love as much as i love me. :(