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i love this picture. somewhere along the way, i felt like i was the subject in the photo. having had climbed up that flight of stairs, having had headed for the summit, i thought that i would now have a clearer picture of where's life taking me. i would be able to look down and have a bird's eye view of my dreams, aspirations and perhaps even a glimpse into what my future may be like.
but i guess not.
im finally living out my dream of pursuing my passion in an overseas university, but i havent got a clue of what to expect, of what i intend to do next. i feel lost with towering buildings and situations overwhelming me; loneliness too, admist the strangers that past me by with a mere hi/bye. i sit at the top of the flight of stairs ive climbed just so i can clear my perplexed mind; a depressing atmosphere threatening to envelop me like the thundering clouds above.
but im saying all this not because i wish someone would sympathsize with me(well, ha,okay.MAYBE a little.) but really because im really grateful that at the peak of my confusion and all, these words came up to me at random.

Psalm 46
1God is our refuge and strength,a very present help in trouble.
2Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
3Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof.
4There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the most High.
5God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early.
6The heathen raged, the kingdoms were moved: he uttered his voice, the earth melted.
7The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge.
8Come, behold the works of the LORD, what desolations he hath made in the earth.
9He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth; he breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder; he burneth the chariot in the fire.
10Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
11The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge.

and yes of course, He sent his many angels to me to make me too busy to feel sorry for myself for too long.and yes you guys know who u are, the many of u that ive been busy updating my life to and using my precious internet connection on >.< i love you all, thanks (:

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i speak before i think, but really what that reveals is the person i am inside. the thoughts and desires are all too apparent. i want recognition, i want people to look at me w envy at my skill and what I have, I want things that I know are wrong to want but i still want them. but the heart cant hide forever. it comes out at the most unopportune time and i end up hurting the ones i love the most. oh wait, maybe not, cos i really love myself the most, which.. really means i hurt those i cant love as much as i love me. :(

one reason why i love my pastor.

says my pastor on proverbs 31:30 "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." "so guys, before you decide to go out with a girl, take a look at her grandmother first." of which my friend promptly said to me, "shawna,we have hope now!" :)