why i need a bigger room

my room last night




hhaha.dont ask me how i actually survived with that mess but trust me, with a dateline just breathing down your neck, you probably wont care less about the aesthetics of your room. yesterday was perhaps the messiest my room ever got with bits of sponges, wires, pasteboards, foam core, sticks and whatnot EVERYWHERE--all in my valient attempt to create a landscape with plants that look at the very least decent for submission the next day.(trust me, it's way harder than it looks and it's def more than just sticking a satay stick into the foam and call tt a tree.)
and yes, my mum was right in saying that a first time is all it takes for a second--ive lost count of the nights i have gone without sleep>.< missed more than jus one lecture now(which i do feel bad for:/). skipped dinner and had it at 12 midnight only because my stomach was making the wierdest sounds.(hopefully mum doesnt read this or if she does that she doesnt start hyperventiating or sth..haa)sometimes i wonder if i had enrolled wrongly and ended up in a carpentery course instead of landscape architecture.doesnt help that im not entirely bright when it comes to using my hands to do the work instead of the calculator.(hands caked with irremovable superglue, scarred with penknife cuts(and no i was not self mutilating>.<)as signs for it).

but before i turn this into a pity party for me, i must still admit that it's been such a refreshing time so far.and that's despite the fact that i still feel clueless in class many a times, frustrated that ideas jus dont flow as they should, lousy that projects take me forever to do but i still jus don do well ehough.
but it's been great really.scary but exciting and refreshing all at once.there are days i suffer the blues and wish that studios end before they start, but most of the time i await each lesson with anticipation. and most of the time each leaves me with enough enthusiasm to want to read up more.(though if i actually find the time to do it is another issue all together:/)

i learnt that like cooking, anyone can draw. and so,i've learnt to be more confident in the way God made me move, live and have my being.i can feel my skills getting better each time i make a wrong cut and redoing the model all together. not perfect(far from it in fact) but better at the very least. and more importantly, it is through my weaknesses(esp apparent in this course) that i can see God ever so clearly at work.and so, to know vividly that my source of strength and reliance is him and him alone.

perhaps it's on this note that helps me put getting poor results into perspective.admittedly, it hurts my pride to see a "pass" on my slip instead of a "distinction".esp since i put much heart and thought into each and every project i undertake.

but i have learnt to give thanks.not jus when i win, but when i lose as well. simply because of the knowledge that God does everything for good.so once He starts anything, i can be sure that he will bring it to an end.good for sure, but not in my perspectives but in his.whatever his plan may be.it's so hard to grapple with this at times,so hard to see this world and its marks of achievements as a temporal feature, but i'll keep going..and trying along the way:)

but i really digress dont i?

if it is any reassurance, mum, im not drowning in garbage here.
after gg on a clearing spree just now, my room looks brand new(:

(jus in case u think im cheating>.<)

goodbye for now,now that my bed finally looks inviting enough (without bits of foamcore, wood splinters, pilers lying somewhere inconspicous corner of my bed)to just curl up in and hibernate for the weekend:))