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Life's full of disappointments, not that i've been kept in the dark about the reality of this over-used cliche. But something that really gets to me is when i flip my music player on, all ready for my self-imposed isolated journey on the bus...the battery's flat.

It's funny though that i might feel that way,considering how little it really matters. The scenes that pass me by stay the same. The bus still gets me to places. Passengers? still brimming from all walks of life. The journey really isn't any less a sensory experience.Inspiration can still dawn upon me albeit the chaos. There's something beautiful in disorder. And if only we were willing to hold 4'33'' as john cage did, then perhaps the absence of my music playlist once in a while won't quite prove unsettling or disturbing.

Sounds of life... that's music.

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i speak before i think, but really what that reveals is the person i am inside. the thoughts and desires are all too apparent. i want recognition, i want people to look at me w envy at my skill and what I have, I want things that I know are wrong to want but i still want them. but the heart cant hide forever. it comes out at the most unopportune time and i end up hurting the ones i love the most. oh wait, maybe not, cos i really love myself the most, which.. really means i hurt those i cant love as much as i love me. :(

one reason why i love my pastor.

says my pastor on proverbs 31:30 "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." "so guys, before you decide to go out with a girl, take a look at her grandmother first." of which my friend promptly said to me, "shawna,we have hope now!" :)