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the rainy days are particularly great at keeping the spirits grey, and when all you have is coffee, literally a black hole that threatens to consume one inadvertently, the word depressing is simply an understatement. or perhaps it was chancing upon a realisation that i had secretly hoped will not come to fruition that made a stone out of my already worn out heart.


and just when it all seemed all too dismal, it was when
the soothing line gave my heart a reason to leap again. "..and i realised how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me.."
love in all its repetition, love in all its assurance,

and love, that makes me want no more.

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Mr perfect/miss imperfect

Instead of waiting for the perfect one, work at being the perfect one instead. These words roll off the tongue with ease like a familiar jingle. Yet the former holds an appeal tt the latter can never achieve.could it be, that at the end of the day, we are, in fact, more aware of reality than we realise? The former, perhaps, more achievable than the latter?
i speak before i think, but really what that reveals is the person i am inside. the thoughts and desires are all too apparent. i want recognition, i want people to look at me w envy at my skill and what I have, I want things that I know are wrong to want but i still want them. but the heart cant hide forever. it comes out at the most unopportune time and i end up hurting the ones i love the most. oh wait, maybe not, cos i really love myself the most, which.. really means i hurt those i cant love as much as i love me. :(

one reason why i love my pastor.

says my pastor on proverbs 31:30 "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." "so guys, before you decide to go out with a girl, take a look at her grandmother first." of which my friend promptly said to me, "shawna,we have hope now!" :)